Weather alarmism and French illiteracy

June 22, 2007 at 2:35 am | Posted in Advice, Climate change, Deception, Global warming, Humour, Languages, My photos, Science, Trick | 1 Comment

clouds

Good afternoon. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

Yes.
( 🙂 Just as I expected: it is always nice to start with a bit of audience participation—hand-raising, turning in one’s seat to see whether one is alone or part of the majority, and that sort of psycho-kinetic connection. Now, let’s see how they declare their French language skills …)

PAR-LAY VOO ONG-LAY?

Ahhh … a few nods, embarrassed smiles and raised hands I can see. You must be the clever ‘bilingual’ ones.
( 😉 Half ‘n’ halfers I call you.)

PAR-LAY VOO FRO(ngh)-SAY?

No? Nil desperandum!
Or, as we Latin aficionados would say in our best-of-British mother tongue, “Never fear!
I am here to help you against the weather alarmist French-speakers.
( 🙂 Jolly good. I can say what I like in French once I have established my superior linguistic credibility with this gullible lot.)

Ohhh … two French language experts in the front row, are we? Je fais confiance que vous apprécierez le conseil que je dois indiquer à nos débutants.
( 😐 Special note to self: I’d better choose my words carefully with this pretty pair. The natives can be cunning. Body language and demeanour work wonders with the clueless. An air of distinguished confidence should facilitate belief in me and my conclusions, even amongst experts.)

Now that we have all seen how much we have in common, I must advise you that I do so appreciate your attendance in these challenging times. Consequently, I shall be generous with my own time and knowledge. In fact, I shall now spend a fully efficient British hour giving you the benefit of my many years of research into weather with my intimate knowledge of the French language. We invented Greenwich Mean Time, don’t forget, and made our permanent mark on the globe right here in London. Indeed, this fact entitles us to be experts in latitudes, longitudes, times, timing and timezones the world over, including France—which I specialise in—and weather, which I study religiously.

Nothing would give me greater delight than to spend the next hour lecturing you exclusively on:

EUROPEAN WEATHER ALARMISM AND FRENCH ILLITERACY

My talk begins with the theme of French Illiteracy and how this enables the media to exploit the good old British public and create the phenomenon I call ‘European Weather Alarmism’.

In a nutshell, if you do not speak the French language, the media can make a fool of you and take you for an alarming, costly and absolutely unnecessary ride.

Alarmists play on your fears of excessive storms to get you to spend more of your hard-earned cash on weather protection at home (lining their pockets, of course) instead of treating yourself to well-deserved relaxing holidays in the sun!

Everybody knows the British spend more time talking about weather than any other nation—because we have MORE OF IT! Therefore, we are, naturally, the world experts on weather, especially the time-honoured traditional British weather experience, which is about as changeable as it comes.

However, French weathermen want you to believe that THEY KNOW MORE ABOUT THE WEATHER THAN YOU DO, because they study it—in France and in French! Can you believe that? THEY want you to. Ridiculous!

This mother of all hoaxes is all the despicable result of us joining the European Union, with all the weather funds for the whole of Europe being given to French-speaking meteorologists. As you know, THEY are in cahoots with the European policymakers, media and insurance companies who all speak French together and, in fact, want to sell us more umbrella policies. Such extensive coverage is, as you shall learn from me now, absolutely unnecessary.

To save you time, money and sleepless nights, I would like to offer you a way through the weather confusion, so you can rest assured that there will be no more fictitious rain to ‘spend and defend‘ against at home. Instead, you can carry on enjoying your timeshare holidays on the Côte d’Azur year after year. Vive la French Riviera!

The first point I want to make is …

Formation des nuages

Épaisseurs des nuages en avril 2001

La formation de nuages résulte du refroidissement d’un volume d’air jusqu’à la condensation d’une partie de sa vapeur d’eau. Si le processus de refroidissement se produit au sol (par contact avec une surface froide, par exemple), on assiste à la formation de brouillard. Dans l’atmosphère libre, le refroidissement se produit généralement par soulèvement, en vertu du comportement des gaz parfaits dans une atmosphère hydrostatique, selon lequel un gaz se refroidit spontanément lorsque la pression baisse. Inversement, la dissipation des nuages se produit lorsqu’un réchauffement permet aux gouttelettes ou aux cristaux de glace de s’évaporer. Les nuages peuvent aussi perdre une partie de leur masse sous forme de précipitations, par exemple sous forme de pluie, grêle ou neige.

La condensation de la vapeur d’eau, en eau liquide ou en glace, se produit initialement autour de certains types de micro-particules de matière solide (aérosols), qu’on appelle des noyaux de condensation ou de congélation. Il est à noter que la congélation spontanée de l’eau liquide en glace, dans une atmosphère très pure, ne se produit pas au-dessus de -40 °C. Entre 0 et -40 °C, les gouttes d’eau restent dans un état métastable (surfusion), qui cesse dès qu’elles rentrent en contact avec un noyau de condensation (poussière, cristal de glace, obstacle). Lorsque ce phénomène se produit au sol, on assiste à des brouillards givrants.

Juste après la condensation ou la congélation, les particules sont encore très petites. Pour des particules de cette taille, les collisions et l’agrégation ne peuvent pas être les facteurs principaux de croissance. Il se produit plutôt un phénomène connu sous le nom de processus de Bergeron. Ce mécanisme repose sur le fait que la pression partielle de saturation de la glace est inférieure à celle de l’eau liquide. Ceci signifie que, dans un milieu où coexistent des cristaux de glace et des gouttelettes d’eau surfondue, la vapeur d’eau ambiante se condensera en glace sur les cristaux de glace déjà existants, et que les gouttelettes d’eau s’évaporeront d’autant. On voit ainsi que le soulèvement est doublement important dans la formation de nuages et de précipitation : en premier lieu comme mécanisme de refroidissement, et ensuite comme porteur de gouttelettes d’eau liquide jusqu’au niveau où elles deviennent surfondues.

Le soulèvement peut être dû à la convection, à la présence de terrains montagneux faisant obstacle à l’écoulement de l’air ou à des facteurs de la dynamique atmosphérique, comme les ondes baroclines (aussi appelées ondes frontales).

So, it is clear that I am the only one who is correct, because I am an expert in the French language and I know my weather systems and, … and I cannot reinforce this point strongly enough, … you cannot trust any other French speakers to inform you about the weather in Europe, especially when it comes to the future of our green and pleasant land, England.

My conclusion is that there will be no more weather than usual: you can relax and ignore all the European Weather Alarmists who wouldn’t recognise a lightning bolt if it hit them between the eyes!

[Laughter and applause …]

Thank you. Any questions?

***

So says the expert trickster. (With thanks to Wikipedia in my case.) My question to readers:

As a non-French speaker, why would you trust one professor of French who disagrees with and distrusts all other French language experts and weather professionals, to advise you on the weather in Europe?

😎

Curiously, this is what non-scientists (and some scientists) do time-and-time-again with climate science.  When Members of the Public (MoPs) listen, as I did recently, to a proud self-appointed adviser on climate science giving his audience the benefit of his personal expert scientific knowledge, some of them come away believing he could be right!

Exhibit A:

A science professor presented on Climate Alarmism and Scientific Illiteracy to a group of primarily non-scientists, reported one of that group who is himself a non-scientist, adding “His talk started with the theme of scientific illiteracy and how this enables the media to exploit the public and create what he calls climate alarmism.”

Does no scientifically illiterate person see the irony in this?

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